Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Ortholongla saya

Assalamualaikum & hello,


Day by day, posts written here will be more depressing and depressing. Currently, I am in ortho posting, just finished multiple one after another short postings. And just about things getting heat up, yesterday came out news that young doctors won't be getting extra allowance anymore. What did the gov think, really?


Sometimes, you just wonder what am I doing right now? Am I losing my passion? I can't get myself to study and I had to force myself to go to the wards because I had to bcs it was made compulsory. 


But, ortho is one of posting that I shouldnt be kidding with. It is not something that I could play around and put it into last minute studying the whole thing. Worst come to worse, I have to push myself to study regardless how lazy, no mood to study at all. 


Maybe this is what we call jihad, isnt it?



Hopefully, our days and future become better

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Motivation quote

Assalamualaikum & hello,



So.. amidst the doctor situation right now, that doctors are facing difficulty in secuing job in future, I would like to share the quotes to motivate myself more in studying medicine:


Medicine is a science of uncertainty and art of probability.
Every patient you see is a lesson much more than the malady from which he suffers.
The best preparation for tomorrow is to do today's work superbly well.
Listen to your patient, he is telling you the diagnosis.
The good physician treats the disease; The great physician treats the patient who has the disease.
We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life.
Too many men slip early out of the habit of studious reading, and yet that is essential.
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate masses not to take medicine.
The practice of medicine is ant art. Not a trade; A calling, Not a business: 
A calling in which your heart will be exercised equally with your head.
Happiness lies in the absorption is some vocation which satisfies the soul.
To have striven, to have made effort. To have been true to certain ideals - this alone is worth the struggle.
Acquire the art of detachment, the virtue method and the quality of thoroughness but above all the grace of humanity. 
- WILLIAM OSLER -





Saturday, August 31, 2019

Losing sight

Assalamualaikum


Yesterday was our Independence day, the day where my seniors truly enjoy independence from medical school. My 2 closest seniors will embark days waiting for HO and going through HO itself. 



These days, I question do I really wanted to do medicine? As if I knew what do other than medicine. There's no doubt that I am the one who choose this journey and even fight for it towards my end of asasi, but now, I really really feel lost. Not even the word 'lost' can describe. It's like, I'm out of love towards my crush who never really notices me. But then again, not like I work hard for it.


Probably the reason why I am out of love because I don't work for it that hard? I dont know, it is very blurry. Probably these feelings will help me figure out if someone decided to quit medical school. Even if it is my long wanted dream who would have ever thought I become this lost?


So, today, I think, I still have a lot of abilities, but most of the time, I let my abilities hid away. In any way, it doesn't in slightest bit help me for my own growth and development. I shouldve been more braver and putting myself out for a mistake that can actually help me grow and become better. 


No more chicken out, and I will continue this journey passionately 


And as for the intro saying 2 of my seniors will be graduating, that itself means, I am slowly losing my support system and I have to function on my own next time. I am sure Allah knows that I am ready for this... And with that, I should be brave right?

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Year 3 Medicine Posting

You know you will struggle a lot if you get Medicine or Surgery as your first posting, they say.


Assalamualaikum everyone!


Right now, I am just starting my miraculously given 1 week of semester break. And it is our first time in our course to be given such privilege. But of course, I did not bother to think to fly back home because Medicine requires a lot of revision and practice. Revision can be done at home but practice on patients? I still need to go to hospital for that. 


A lot of people asked me, how was Medicine posting was like?
I tell you plainly, it was abundant. A lot to catch up. Physical examinations that we need to master for 4 major system were CVS, CNS, Respiratory and Abdominal. But we also have to know how to perform PE like Rheumatology (joints), Endocrinology (Thyroid, Acromegaly etc). And that worries me. Because I am today years old, I realized that my practical side is not as good as my theoretical side. 


One of a Dr said, "Who asked you to take medic? You are the ones who made the pack with the devils." He did mentioned the importance of doing revision. I personally agree to this, but I can't really make myself study 6 hours everyday. That's just wow. Maximum for me was 4 hours a day (not days near exam week. A day before exam I might have able to suck it up and maintain my momentum.


It was my first posting and it was the hardest one.
They say, the highest 'failing' rate posting among all.
InsyaAllah, we can do this


I can't really say that I hate this posting. Because I learnt a lot. Medicine is like basically everything that requires treatment in term of usage of medications excluding surgery stuffs and obstetrics and gynecology stuffs. 


In this internal medicine posting, we are required to fill our logbook to observe procedures, present long case or short case during bed side teaching (BST) and be on-call for 3 hours in Emergency and Trauma department (ETD). Whenever I am in ETD, I feel so worthless I don't know why. Like I am not some sort of competence. After my oncall, usually I feel like I am worthless, probably because in ETD sometimes Dr expected we know to perform certain procedure. Remember when I told you guys my practical side ain't good? I still cannot perform ECG on my own. My friends all can do it confidently.


 
In this year 3, I kept thinking Why am I here? what are my other interests in life as if I want to change my path. But I to be honest, only interested in medical field. 


I found a video from sis Aida Azlin that related to my feelings; 




I remembered, after my asasi ended, I went back to my high school which I always miss dearly, and there was my Math teacher who told me this after she had known what course that I took. "Bukan calang-calang orang Allah pilih untuk ambil medic. Mesti ada something pada awak yang Allah nampak, yang awak sesuai untuk course itu." She continued by saying like some people afraid of blood and etc which might interfere with the nature of work that a doctor requires. 


Sometimes I envied some of my friends who already dropped out from medical school even before entering clinical years. They are so lucky they had figured it out that they do not suit with this kind of work. But then again, like I said. My interests are none other than medicine for now. Had to say for now because we don't know what might happen in future, so just in case I type it down hekhek. 


Other than that, clinical years require a lot of communication skills. That also, one of other things that I need to polish. Andddd we need to present a lot, on the spot. With the right words to say, with medical term in front of lecturers but in front of my patients, we need to ask in layman term, do not include any medical jargon. 


Please pray for me and my classmates to pass this posting,
May Allah bless you ;)
If I had the mood, I might post about my end of posting exam. 

Typed by:

Year 3 still learning Unimas Medical student. 


Friday, September 7, 2018

End of Pre-Clinical Years (Year 1 & 2) UNIMAS

Assalamualaikum and helloos,


       Amboi seketul, for this so late post entry.
Clinical years will begin for me the next few days. And we have orientation for that. I am amazed how we still got orientation even to start clinical years, I hope I can stay focus during orientation though, hehe

So, we will talk more on clinical years in my future posts. Right now, we gonna talk on our pre-clinical years mainly year 2 since I had wrote about year 1 in my previous post here. 

With our beloved pathologists


Year 2

Actually before starting year 2, I am quite nervous because year 2, not only you have to focus on professional exam (exam that includes stuff that you learn in year 1 and 2) but you also have to finish your research. For research though, I am utterly thankful that my lecturers (supervisors and co-supervisors) were super helpful and taught us a lot. I kinda regret only getting B+ for research though, I mean I am happy but I feel as though it is not appropiate to present such marks to our supervisors...

(Can Dm me through twitter : @aisyahxyz if you want to ask my recommendations for getting supervisors, okay?)


Okay about research, theres that.


Research mates and supervisors


For professional exam, Alhamdulillah I passed it in one go. Thank you for my parents, family and friends for your kind doa. And Alhamdulillah, my classmates, our batch - all did pass professional exam and supplement exam, and they said that our batch is the only batch that had all passing students. 


My advice for professional exam, know your level of understanding for each block. Know what you dont know. Better to start early if you recognize that you had low understanding for certain blocks. Mine specifically is block 6. So I kinda start block 6 earlier, and focus on things that I dont understand. If you want detail advices, ask away your seniors, it is better to not only ask seniors that pass in one go, but also ask seniors that had to go through viva and supplement exam. 

You will realised how different in way they are giving advices. I did ask my senior who went through supplement exam, and she said that I shouldn't be too relax about it, to start worry about it and start studying (I am more to a relax kind of nature) so these kind of advices did influence me to study. 


So these are my kind of which blocks that I find:

  • Hard : Block 6 
  • Favourite : Block 2 and block 8 
  • Score the most: Block 5 and block 8
  • I wish I kind take it again: Block 3 and Block 8
  • I wish it ends faster : Block 6
  • Subjects that I love: Physiology and biochem (although I always forget biochem)


1st Row : Block 1 to 5
2nd Row : Block 6 to 9
I am mix learning style kind of person. I can learn through laptop / mobile so most of my lecture notes I did not print it (except for block 1 and 2 #masihnoob) and for other blocks, I just print difficult lectures. Because graphic is better if I learn through phone and I can zoom whatever I want. Shout out to classmates for coming up with google drive idea for our class where we share all the lecture notes. 

Actually I want to give full advice on how to pass prof exam, but I am kinda lazy + I think not everybody study the same way like I do. Also who am I to give study tips cause I am just an average student in my class. Along year 1 and year 2, I never encountered any A for my End Of Block (EOB) exam but it was fine, I get to do other stuff as well. To get an A for me, I think I have to work extra hard to extent I have to just study study study. I can't do that ahaha


For books, books that I love is:

  • Guyton's (Physiology)
  • Stuart Ira Fox (Physiology) - Mostly I used in block 5
  • Lippincott (Pharmacology)
  • Robbins (Pathology)
These are the lists that I used the most. I kinda regret buying Lange books as I dont understand it (difficult English words for me). For Guyton, I don't really want to buy RM200+ kind of books so what I did was I borrowed from Cais Medic and renew it everytime using online (Cais One Search) which can be used to renew three times and sometimes I had to carry the books back to faculty to renew it because that's the rule uhuhu. So you can use this way or some of my friends sneaked out the books which I don't recommend doing it. Do the hard way guys.


Mainly for pre-clinical years, most of your life is balancing your medical classes, generic classes, elective classes and stuff like research and family health visits. For elective classes, I kinda recommend you guys to take language faculty courses as these courses - though they may have a lot of assessments (oral, writing exam - just simple kinda way) but they dont have much workloads. I took Arabic Level 1 class and French Level 1 class and we didn't have to do video or heavy assignments. I also took Medical Fiqh from my own faculty (also recommended), it's like dengar ceramah, also have practicals, less assessments but more assignment (do video and kinda heavy assignment). It's not heavy like a burden but yeah you know my English very low one ahaha. 

Family health was okay, I am very thankful to my foster family and my foster siblings. I want to show photos of them but I want to respect my foster family in case they hate it if I share it through blogs. Cause blogs are different, once you post, there are chances that the pictures can be find through google search, so yeah.


Side story, I also participated in sports tournaments during this year which were MIVG and medical sport tournament within our faculty. 






Other pictures: 


Kolej Rafflesia, though people always associate this college with buaya but nah I haven't seen one in this college till this day.

I will say, I love year 2 one of it because of this college. My prayers come true when I want a single room ahaha. Staying single in double room yeass 100%.

But staying in this college makes you depend on transportation a lot.



My close circle of friends: 

Junior mates

PBL mates


Housemates
I love how people always come to my house because they find my housemates very friendly.

Anak solehah mates

Usrah mates

Classmates
InsyaAllah, let's work hard for clinical years guys.

If you were to ask me, 
"Year 1 or year 2?"

I would say year 2, though it was much busier year kihkih.


Vanilla Ice Cream | @After four

Laksa Sarawak | @Mom's Laksa

Foods that I always crave ahaha


Till then,
Hope I write more in clinical years ya ahaha

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Just finished First Prof exam - waiting for result!

Assalamualaikum and hello,


        10 minutes before the last paper ends, there I sat at my table, glancing at the clock while checking back my papers for any mistakes. And I stopped for awhile,


Here I am finishing the exam for which I had been anxious a year ago. I couldn't believe I did go through that. So yeah, examination finished but the result aint coming out yet. Lots lots of voices had been roaring on how they are worried and begging to pass the exam. I just smiled and I did not really and can't respond much. Probably all I can say is, leave up to Him, tawakkal and doa...



        I watched a movie tonight called Love 119, thought you know I can somehow watch something different. But it turns out that this movie is not just a love story about a woman and a firefighter. But the woman is also a doctor. And it made me thinking, 5 years from now, what kind of person I would be?


She did a mistake. She didnt do the investigation thoroughly and eventually the patient had brain dead. And you know in medical field, (from what I heard) though it is very mannerful to say sorry and admit that it was our mistakes, but in medical settings, if a doctor said that, he or she can be sued by the family. 


I thought deeply and
through out this journey, few of my classmates had left already. It is not a battle among ourselves, we dont mind who's more smarter, we just think about how we can pass. But it is a battle within ourself. Whether we can really do it and go until the end.


Even after all that,
Life can take you in unexpected journey, though the journey may be different from others, but if you find the journey beautiful then you can sit back and relax, and enjoy the ride. 


For whatever outcomes tomorrow will come, know that Allah has special plan for us. After all, passing is not the real aim, but to be a good doctor is. 



Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Few days more to First Prof Exam!

Assalamualaikum and hi guys,


          So, we just received our block 9 results last Friday and Alhamdulillah all of us in the class managed to proceed to First Prof Exam!


Though there are few days left, I felt like my energy is draining. Probably this happens a lot if I am someone who are not used to studying consistently everyday. My spirits are just like those peribahasa Melayu, "hangat-hangat taik ayam." I had to collect back my spirits, remembered back how much I am lacking in knowledge and how much I actually want to pass this!

Even so, 
Yesterday my friend did said, our year 3 students some of them will be repeating. I am telling you that repeating year in medicine is not something to be ashamed of. But it got me thinking, even if we pass this proffesional exam, we just passed one of many hurdles in front. Like there are so many challenges will begin after year 2, especially in clinical years.


Thus, this reminds me that medicine is a continuous journey, continuous learning. Once you stop learning even when you become a doctor, a doctor in you just died. Even after prof exam, dear me, even if it is hard, pick up the book and read. Associate with clinical learning. I know this will be hard for me as even for now, that we are facing prof exam, I still make time *no make time but waste time to watch tv shows in youtube. *sigh*



For year 1 Junior, you might never found this blog, but try to make most of your year 1 holiday. Try to studyla a bit pun okay ahaha. 


Dr Dayang said after prof exam holiday lah, bila lagi nak pergi? Hurm, yeah true but whenever I think about meeting a real patient and like some senior doctor will be asking me questions randomly from anatomy suddenly to pharmacology, I freaked out and made me wanna download medical knowledge into my brain system immediately. 


Sign off for now,
Let's start studying shall we?

Friday, June 8, 2018

We all longed to be the best

Assalamualaikum & hello


I know sometimes I would want to start an entry right away without proper salutations, but because I think it is the most appropriate way, so yeah. 


       I found an interesting twitter's thread today that spoke about how we used to be called smart before but now, people didn't bother to call us that anymore. Then, it got me thinking, among my classmates, they must have been the top students in their former school, but now that educational level had changed, and things got harder, naturally you have to work harder in order to make it to the top. 


My view is that, we shouldn't be competing among our classmates anymore. That kind of thinking will just hinder my progress really. What's important is, you be the best not for your friends but for your future patient. You become the better than the old you. Be in term of knowledge as well as attitude. The one that you competing is yourself. I want be a better me. 


To be honest, 
Sometimes, I too wanted to be the best. We all have that competitive instinct in ourselves. But slowly, as I progress in medical school, I think the one that I need to beat is my old self. Lazy, bad attitude, procrastinating self. 


Professional exam is just around the corner. 
I would not be ashamed that if I put in percentage, how much I prepared for PFE, I would say 30% or maybe lower than that. I don't understand why I didn't seem to care to increase the percentage either? 


I think my last paragraph really contradicts the point that I am trying to prove above ahaha. 


I read Dr Amalina's tweets sometimes, and I think, if you really want to be successful, you got to have high discipline in a lot of things. You should be able to cease your cravings to watch movies all the time, or drama or nonsense youtube videos. Being able to control that, and being the best disciplined state of mind can really turn yourself into someone successful.


Having a study partner / friends helped you in the study mood faster.
Now that I am alone in this house, trying to study; 
is hard. 


Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Falling out from medical fields

Assalamualaikum & hello


         So, there will be less than 4 months from now to my first professional exam. But I still think that my time management sucks a lot. Ok, put that aside. I stumbled upon an interesting post this evening, it's about a man, graduated from MRSM Taiping, you know MRSM students - most of them are high achievers including him. He got straight A's with a good pointer and furthered his studies in medicine in Russia.


He began to expand his stories telling that, all his life being a top achiever and during his medical school years, he was an average, sometimes he was the last student in his class. During a long break, he would be planning trips with his international friends. He told that he graduated with blue diplome (Russian thing I guess for average student) and he saw his friends getting red diplome (distinction). When it was time to return to Malaysia, he said that he could cope most of the housemanship's stress better compared to most of his red diplome friends. 


What's interesting about his stories are, 
He ended not being a doctor to this day.
He started to sell insurance instead and travels around the world.


You know, sometimes, I do think. Am I that enthusiastic enough to become a doctor? Why I didn't find studying as interesting as before? I don't know where my motivations have left me behind, but I'm quite sad. I don't care if I don't get good grades but please, enjoying things that we are doing are more important.


So, if one day, 
perhaps one day, I graduated and not becoming a doctor?
What will happen to me?
Will I be happy?
If I become a doctor,
Will I be happy? 
Will I make them happy? 





Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Dr Chew telling us about Emergency department

Assalamualaikum,


So, I am still in my pre-clinical year, year 2 of medical school. I am currently still in on-going research about CPR. And my supervisor for my research group is Dr Chew, he is a consultant for A&E department.


We got curious on how A&E department work, why he chose that department.


He told us, that A&E is for someone who love fast work, short-attention span, and you don't have to think too much on the management of the patient. Mostly the cases that come to the A&E are trauma cases, cardiac arrests and overdose cases. The patient won't stay at the A&E ward for too long, they will get referred to the other specific department for their cases, that's why, you don't always have to follow up the patient on anything.


Sound nice.
But in reality, it doesn't always nice & simple.


Day by day, I hope my will become stronger. Hope I will get tougher. You, if you also still struggling, know that struggles never betray their owner. Eventually, it will lead to a beautiful ending; I hope.   

Ortholongla saya

Assalamualaikum & hello, Day by day, posts written here will be more depressing and depressing. Currently, I am in ortho posting, ...